TRASHY WEEKENDZ: TORQUAY → GEELONG → SYDNEY → CHAOS

Some weekends are wholesome.

Some weekends are wild.

And then there was this weekend … a full national tour of questionable decisions, blackout business moves, and spiritual awakenings via Gatorade.

TORQUAY — LEXIE’S PARENTS & THE MAN NAMED “ADORE”

It all began at Lexie’s parents’ house in Torquay, where the vibes were calm, the energy was pure, and my nervous system actually got to exist in peace for 3.5 seconds.

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GEELONG CLUB APPEARANCE — BLACKOUT BUSINESSWOMAN ERA

Then came Geelong.

All I know (because my brain was not present) is:

• I was blackout drunk

• I was selling Trashy Timez tees LIKE A DOOR-TO-DOOR ICON

• People bought them (God bless them)

• We were still in the same outfits from the night before

• Zero dignity. Maximum profit.

Professional queen behaviour.

SYDNEY — CONS HOUSE: WHERE I TERRORISED HIS FRIDGE

After Geelong, we flew to Sydney and stayed at Con’s place.

Night one?

I partied like Sydney had been waiting for me all year.

Next day?

I slept the whole next day like my organs needed a team meeting.

But the REAL crime scene?

Cons fridge.

Because I drank EVERY (almost) Gatorade he owned.

Every colour. Every flavour.

And then, as a sweet cherry on top,

I managed to leave crumbs all over his floor…

the day before his HOUSE INSPECTION.

This man has seen me drunk on national TV but I think this was his real breaking point.

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WOLLONGONG — BEAUTIFUL, BUT I WAS RUNNING ON GATORADE FUMES

We went around Wollongong, which is honestly stunning: beaches, views, the whole vibe.

Meanwhile, I walked around like a dehydrated Victorian ghost who’d just resurrected from Con’s couch.

When Jaeda came through we binged Aussie Shore season 1 with 3 rounds of Uber Eats and that was NEEDED. 

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SCARY CANARIES — WET TEE, WHO DIS?

Then my Sydney club appearance at Scary Canaries happened. Jaeda and Con came to the appearance with me bless their cotton socks!

There was a wet t-shirt competition.

I’m about 78% sure I participated.

I’m 100% sure I was drenched.

And I’m 150% sure I was drunk enough to think I was winning.

Humbling moment:

Not many people recognised me.

But I was way too intoxicated to process embarrassment, so honestly?

Bliss.

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HAIR BY KAINE — THE ONLY NORMAL PART OF MY ENTIRE WEEK

Somewhere between blacking out, flying, and committing crumb-related crimes…

I got my hair done by Kaine.

He restored my soul.

He made me hot again.

He gave me my identity back.

If anyone deserves an award this week, it’s him…not me.

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FINAL VERDICT

This weekend was a spiritual journey:

• Geelong (to get lashes) Torquay to Geelong (for club apperance)

• Geelong to Sydney to Wollongong 

• Wollongong to Sydney to Scary Canaries

• Blackouts

• Business deals

• Naps

• Wet t-shirt competitions

• Crumbs pre–house inspection

• A man named Adore

• And 4 stolen Gatorades 

My body is weak.

My hair is flawless.

My reputation is questionable.

And honestly wouldn’t change a thing.